Why we Ignore the Warnings?

Australian beaches packed with sunbathers, English parks crowded with walkers taking in the fine March weather, packed tube trains and Sunday markets brimming with bargain seekers, supermarket shelves stripped of merchandise…

On the face of it, the populace seem intent upon ignoring the dire warnings of government:  the virus is dangerous;   we must self-isolate, we must protect ourselves – so why?

Essential mistakes have been made:

The health gurus suggest that only older people or those with underlying health problems are in mortal danger, so the young and fit, if the odds are no higher than the chance of getting a rather severe dose of flu will be tempted to gamble.   The possibility of passing on infection matters relatively little to those who, for the most part, live at a distance, physically and emotionally, from their elders.  Besides, we are being advised to exercise, aren’t we?  In a city, the streets aren’t safe, so where else can that happen but in the parks?

In UK anyway, the National Health Service is continually crying wolf.  Every winter the population is treated to threats of inadequate staffing, long waiting times and tragic outcomes, that somehow omit to mention the prevalence of expensive agency staffing and the manner in which specialists apportion their time between NHS and private practice.  Are most of us unaware of these inconvenient truths? And then, of course, there is personal experience, which largely runs counter to the media blast.

UK consumer credit is at an all-time high, so I can only imagine the pressures upon those who are nominally ‘self-employed’ or who work in the ‘gig economy’.  Living costs in big cities are phenomenally high and millions live at the absolute limit of their means, or beyond.  A government loan is no answer for them – it is simply additional debt.  They need to work or face homelessness.

Finally, there is an issue of trust.  It is no surprise that Australia, whose Prime |Ministers’ chances of dying in bed equate to those of medieval British Kings, should regard sententious warnings from politicians with cynicism.  Nor is it likely, so hot on the heels of the Brexit debacle, that the British should be easily persuaded of sincerity in a politician.  Throughout most of the First-World, the press is the willing bedfellow of those with the most power to deflect it, propaganda is rife and there are no steadying voices.  All journalism is sensationalist, all journalists will sacrifice truth for a story.

Few aboard the rusting hulk of ‘democracy’ feel in a position to trust the rudder.  The idealistic young, aboard the fleet yacht of simple solutions have delivered their verdict, and unless the statistics hit blitzkrieg proportions, as they have in Italy, who’s to say that they are wrong?

Personally I am in favour of quarantine (I will not use that rabble-rousing and etymologically incorrect term ‘lock-down’);  but then, I am over 70 with underlying health issues, so I would be, wouldn’t I?   Even so, threatening me with fines or arrest if I raise my head above the parapet is hardly likely to win my heart.

Lest we Regret…

This Christmas I completed my Christmas shopping without ever leavingDSC02419 my home. I have joined the millions of customers who buy most or all of their gifts on line.   The variety of imaginative suggestions available on the Internet grows each year, the service gets better, the standards constantly improve.

BUT…..

It occurs to me I am missing out on an invaluable and character-building experience – a problem I must have in common with all my fellow net users. And since the Lovely Frederick Anderson Innovation Corporation (offshoot of Anderson Laundries*) is well placed to take advantage of any fresh marketing opportunity I now offer our new Premium Service:

JOSTLERS. Inc.

Do you hanker after that buzz of the early morning bus service and the frenetic rush to be first at the Department Store doors? Are you feeling bereft of your overnight pre-sales camping out session, missing the communal misery, or nostalgic for the days when complete strangers would break down in tears on your shoulder?

JOSTLERS is for you!

INVEST NOW in our Boxing Day Sales package. Why wait for Boxing Day?  Why suffer the frustration of the dawn queue on a far-off pavement?  You can camp outside your own front door while you wait for that special postal delivery!  With a little imagination  JOSTLERS can add the true sales experience –

  • 24 hour rental of impossibly small tent and camping stove.
  • Free hosepipe with filter on ‘Driving Rain’ setting.
  • Two bonus ‘Garrulous Drunk’ visits.

Optional extras:

  • Jostlers: Our qualified Jostlers are second to none in this trade.  They will shoulder-charge, step on your feet and punch you in competition for your gift, whilst ensuring, of course, you always win in the end.  Be sure to hire at least three for that genuine ‘feel’.
  • Pocket Pickerssubject to availability:  When free, ours are the best in the business.  Apply for details of probation conditions, etc..
  • Obnoxious Store Detective: we know you did not steal your own gift; you know it.  Try to persuade our OSD your gift is a bona fide purchase.  We have lawyers too!
  • Rude Delivery Driver Amazon deliveries do not apply:  Face down our late, intransigent drivers as they insist you sign for that tattered, pre-opened package! (Rates vary).
  • Frederick Anderson Purchase Insurance: you may trust in our Company motto – ‘Always Undervalue, Never Pay Out’.  Live once more the anger and frustration of that letter which insists your loss is due to ‘deliberate breakage’!

If you too are missing our traditional seasonal rush then join with us at Jostlers, Inc., in celebrating a joyous, old-style Christmas!   Buy now for extra, generous discounts!  And have a Merry Christmas!

See our website for a range of cheap Chinese combustible Christmas lights. Hurry while stocks last!

Jostlers, Inc. Accepts no responsibility for illness or injury brought about by the use of its products and services.  Caveat emptor applies.

*Formerly named Anderson Laundries and Mortuary; the latter portion of the Company name has been dropped in accordance with customer sensibilities; A.L and M nevertheless remains the only Company to recognise the obvious connection between these two essential services.